Is decision making a struggle for you? Let's let go of the stress associated with making decisions by getting intentional about building our decision making muscle. In this episode Brand shares the mindset & actionable habits to help you make decisions
Check out this week's Dope Thing I'm Digging
-Affirmations For Grown A** Women. By Toni Jones Worth Ethic
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One thing that I know to be true is often we conjure up and concoct these stories in our heads of what if there are, they are vividly colored stories. Like we then like went through every single detail of what catastrophic event could happen if we make the wrong decision and 99.5% of the time, none of that ever happens.
You're tuning in to the sheer resilience podcast, the Brown girl's guide to facing life's hurdles without giving tune in weekly, as we share candid conversations and an occasional Kiki to help you bounce back and be the best version of yourself. I am your host, Brandy Lucas, less cut up. Welcome back to episode 22 of the sheer resilience podcast.
So happy as always to have this space in your day or whatever time it is. Shout at you listening to this podcast. I am happy that you are here. I'm going to jump right into our first segment of the show, which is the dope things that I am digging. I think that it is only right as I come across amazing things in this world that I share it with the sheer squad.
This is your first time listening to the sheer resilience podcast. The sheer squad is any listener, whether you've heard every single episode, or this is your first, you are a part of the shear squad. It is our podcast family, and you are a part of it. So I like to share weekly well. Biweekly or weekly, depending on whatever schedule I am on with the show we happen to be, um, coming to you guys with the second episode in a row, we are working our way back to every week.
I don't want to make any formal announcements just yet because I am working on a project that I am just trying to figure out how long it's gonna last. But every episode I will be coming to you guys with. Another dope thing that I am digging. So this week's doping that I am digging is something that I ran across in essence magazine.
You know, if you have a subscribed or you get essences emails, they always have these tantalizing subject lines. So it was a subject line that says something very girl power, like. Girl boss. I tapped into it and they shared a link to a young lady name, Toni Jones, who has an affirmation album on Apple music.
So I'm like, okay, I'm into affirmations. You may or may not see me as a little bit. Woo, woo. I am all about positive vibes and good energies. And I love me some Jesus y'all know that if you have heard. Any of my episodes or been around me seeing my content. I am that girl. So I was here for trying to check out with Tony Jones had going on in regards to affirmations because that, in my opinion is.
It's just good. Good, good. You know, it's good to reaffirm and have a saying a scripture or something positive to keep in your head or on a post-it or however you do the affirmation thing. So I looked into it to see what it was and baby. Toni is onto something. So on this album, which is called affirmations for grown poop women.
There is one track on there that I have played no short of a good 100 times. I actually put it on at the gym one day last week. And when you. Put something on that is affirming and life-giving and speaking life. And speaking specifically for me is speaking to my situation. This track is called worth ethic.
That probably came off very hard being that I am on the mic and trying to enunciate worth ethic and that's worth w O R T H . Generally we think of work ethic and how we approach our careers or our businesses, but this affirmation, she dives into associating your worth. It's almost replacing your "worth" ethic with the mindset that you would have for your work.
At the end, it speaks to me, it needs to be one of those things that I listened to every single day, because it's just that popping. So of course, I always like to share each week's dope name that I'm digging with you guys. So you can check down in the show notes for this episode for a direct link. If you have Apple music, I really want you guys to take a second and listen to this affirmation.
I know everybody is not, um, you know, Breaking out post-its and carrying around highlighters in their purse to highlight, you know, everything that they come across or read that speaks to them. But yeah, this for powerful women for women in this day and time, uh, in this environment of us being, um, focused, but still.
Dealing with so many pressures, some of the pressures and adversities that we deal with as women, it really spoke to me and gave me a jolt of energy and, uh, just good vibe. So I wanted to share that with you guys, check out the link to Tony Jones, affirmations for grown boop women, um, on Apple music. In the show notes also on the sheer resilience podcast website, without further ado, we're going to get into episode 22 strengthening my decision-making muscle this last year or so of my life has had me in the decision-making chair for some major, um, decisions.
It has been very interesting. It has stretched me and pulled me. Luckily I did not pop. But in doing that, I have, I have had to figure out all kinds of stuff. Y'all if you've been a part of the shear squad for any amount of time than you have heard me kind of peel back the layers on this part of my life.
So if you are sheer squad then, you know, in the last year or so, I have had to decide whether or not to close my salon. Who am I going to reposition myself in the marketplace? If I am not a stylist, uh, I have had to figure out if I was going to trust my faith or if I was going to allow the situation that I was staring dead in the face to be my reality, I have had to make some major life changing decisions, and I believe that I'm not the only person last year.
And as we creep into 2021 child has been. A trip. I'll just say that it has been dressed up and different outfits for different people, but it has been a real season of, okay. Let me reevaluate my life because things around me are different. So I probably need to show up different in dealing with making these major decisions.
I have had to develop a way to approach decision-making that keeps me from being stressed the heck out, losing my hair, um, making people not want to be around me because I am really going through the throws and just toiling with every single decision that I have to make. Some decisions are going to take a little bit more emotionally emotional toll on us, but.
I have developed a bit of a system that has helped me to not get stuck in my decisions and allow it to be something that's draining my energy. Every time I have to make a decision. And I want to share that with you guys today. My hope is that you take something away from it. And as we are navigating this space of getting our lives together, as we transition into whatever is coming, that this.
Framework helps you and making major decisions in your life. So the first key that has been hugely beneficial is developing. And for some people, this will be a revisit of your personal values. Personal values are defined as a framework, personal values are. Broad desirable goals that motivate people's action and serve as a guiding principle in their lives.
Personal values are desirable to an individual and represent what is important to them. So how does having personal values. In place make an impact on your decision-making for me personally, when I take the time to revisit or define my personal view, how use it really helps in decision-making because when I am faced with having to make a decision, I have a filter to run this decision through based on.
Does it rock with what I have established as the personal values for my life? Or is it in opposition to my personal values? So some of my personal values are encouragement, family inspiration, creativity, faith ambition. Control. And when I was looking at this list of personal values, it was a little icky for me to put down control, but control is one of mine.
It is a good and bad trait. I am working through the bad. Please know that I am aware that being a person who values control is not the most healthy thing, but if I'm gonna be real with myself, I have to be real with. That fact that everything about me, ain't cute. Uh, so yes, controllers in there and then personal growth.
These are all things that I value. These are things that I am welcoming, seeking, embracing, and want in my life. So when I'm faced with a decision. Let's just say a career decision. If an opportunity comes across my path and the opportunity is lucrative, you know, we all are about, uh, accessing and maintaining the coin that can help to drive.
My decision on whether or not this is a good decision for me because everybody want money. Right. But I can get a little bit more laser focused on whether or not this decision is the best decision for me, based on running it through the filter of my personal values. So this opportunity may be one.
That's going to make me some money, but if it causes me to move to another country where I'll be remote and away from my family for a long period of time, That might not be the best decision for me because my values, my personal values are family. If it's going to put me in a situation where I'm doing something that compromises my faith and I have set as one of my personal values, my faith, then I need to reevaluate that.
It's not something that I got to really. Rack my brain and be pulling my hair out about, because I have in place values that speak to what is important to Brandy. And if these things opportunities, decisions that I have to make are in opposition to what I have established as my personal values, then it's much easier for me to see if the shoe that is being presented, fits.
Based on my personal value. So this is a clutch. Um, opportunity for you to really establish what is important to you. You can hit the web if, um, values and things that are really important to you. Don't just immediately come to your head. Look at lists there. Exhaustive list online that really help you see some of the traits or pose questions that will help you develop your personal values.
Not only the things that are positive to you, but also what are some things that are going on in the world that aggravate you, that you feel are unjust, that you would like to see, uh, be different. Those things that really, um, Raul you up. Or, you know, annoys you that you would like to see change are also things that can be included in your personal values.
Those are the things that you're willing to speak up about, fight for that. You want to see a difference or be a difference maker in the world. Those are values that. Can we include it in your personal values, that when you hear a situation come up, that somebody is being, um, targeted based on their sex or their, um, occupation or their.
Uh, economic status. If this is something that has been a thorny aside for a long time, then this may be one of the things that you are called to speak up about or advocate for. It could be one of your personal values. So as we are approaching, decision-making establishing our personal values is a real game changer in helping us already have the groundwork laid out.
So when opportunities or. Things come across our lives. Um, we have the opportunity to run it through a filter that is based on who we are as individuals. It's less about what do mom and him say, what the do, what will other people think about me making this decision? If you have a personal value that is based in.
Peace and, uh, cleanliness or self care, then you are not likely to put yourself in a situation that compromises like you ain't going to go. Choose an apartment. You're not going to choose an apartment that has a roommate who is a hoarder. If cleanliness and peace are one of your personal values, you just not going to be willing to, uh, conform to somebody else's lifestyle, because it's going to make your life a living nightmare.
Right. So. It's about doing that self work so we can sit down and figure out what are the things that make me tick? What do I value? What do I want in my life? And then actually committing them things to paper. So when we have opportunities or decisions that we have to make, we can check back in with ourselves, uh, apart from looking for external advice and validation.
Oh, this one right here is a game changer. Y'all so when we're facing decisions, if we're going to build that muscle, I think that a great way to approach it is to replace the negative. What ifs. With positive, what ifs? So many of us get in our heads and we have those. If I make this decision, what if it doesn't work?
What if people don't buy my product? What if people think I'm crazy for moving across the country? What if I make this decision and something negative happens as a result of it? One thing that I know to be true is often we conjure up and concoct these stories in our head of what if there are, they are vividly colored stories.
Like we didn't like went through every single detail of what. Catastrophic event could happen if we make the wrong decision and 99.5% of the time, none of that ever happens. We have wasted time, energy and creativity coming up with something that is very unlikely to happen. What. What happened if we took that same energy creativity and conjure up a story of how incredibly dope things could turn out.
If we make this decision. If we re reframe and refocus our energy into the positive part of making this decision now, just like us conjuring up the negative story. There is no 100% certainty that the story that we conjure up that is beautifully vivid and positive is going to work out that way. But at least you are projecting your energy in a direction that supports what you want to happen.
You know, you reap what you sow. So we'll, we'll put in our energy, our time and attention to we're planting a seed that is growing that, or we are stifling something great from happening. Cause we so focused on the negative that could happen. So what if we replace the negative? What ifs with positive and what ifs.
Yeah, I'll give it a try. Next time you are in the position where you have to make a decision, think less about the negative that could come from it and more about the positive and see how that works out for you. And finally, another great way for us to build our decision-making muscle is to ask ourselves port important questions.
I was going to say point questions, but. I don't know, it didn't come out. Right. So I said important. Ask yourself important questions that. Stretch you that make you really sit and think through the next steps, making your next move. Your best move. One question that is like clutch to ask yourself is if you bought to make a decision, is this decision going to move me forward?
Or if I don't make this decision, do I stay where I am? There are some decisions. That all know how all other pieces of the puzzle are going to play out, but we know that we stand to benefit sometimes standing to benefit and not knowing all of the details have been a struggle for me. It was a big thing.
When I was thinking about coming from behind the chair, I knew that I was ready to take the leap, but I didn't know completely what I would be doing. I didn't know how that shift would. It worked out for me, how I would be seeing what would I do with my days where my money gonna come from. I knew that there was something that I did want to do, but I didn't know enough about it to.
Immediately comfort comfortably, you know, just say I'm finna jump out here and do it. Thank you, Jesus. That I did eventually pray, talk, cry, a worry myself on to this other side. And it has been an incredible decision thus far, but we have to ask ourselves those questions that make us. Face the fact that our reluctance to make a decision could be something that's keeping us in the same place as keeping us, uh, only getting so much.
That's keeping the ceiling very low on, uh, how. Much were achieving how, how we climbing the impact that we're having on people, the relationships that we're getting able, that we're able to build. And, you know, cause we need money out here to live. It could be putting a cap on the coin. And when we look at it like that, separate from asking people, their opinions and looking for outside sources.
But just taking a pen and a pad and asking ourselves questions, allowing ourselves to be real with ourselves and write down those answers. I think an amazing place to start is self. Does making this decision, have the potential to move me forward and does not making this decision. Keep me stuck and keep me with some of the same problems that I've been dealing with before I was faced with this decision.
Every day, we have to make decisions. Some of them are going to be small and some are going to be substantial, building our muscle of decision-making and approaching it with our own framework. In mind it workshop, I'm telling you these tips may be something that you can take away from and, uh, thinking about your personal value.
So when you have something that comes up and personal values are also amazing for. Couples for families as you get to that teenage stage, which are kids. We all know that the world is crazy out there. Our kids are going to school with other kids, other families they're exposed to so much. It is beneficial to have values in your household that.
Transcend just like your faith values. We don't do this. We don't do that. But just values as a entire family, sit down, make it a nacho nights, something fun where everybody contributes to what the values are for the family. What do we stand for? What are things that we see going on in the world that anger us, that we will want to speak up about?
What are things that we want people to do? To know this family by and create a value system for the family. So when your kids get to an age where they are. Come in and ask him for permission to do things and you feel a way about it, but you all have established family values. You can run it through those filters.
And then the kids don't feel like you always saying no, they can understand a little bit sometimes because you know, sometimes kids just, they say, parents just don't understand, but. It's a structure, it's a framework for, uh, the family to run decisions. You can be like, ah, as a family, when we look at our values, does this align with what we say we trying to do around here?
Or is this us to a point where it's taking us away from our values? So I think values are incredible as individuals, couples, and families, when it comes to decision-making. And of course replacing those negative thoughts, negative talk needs to be his own podcast episode. I would love to have a couple of other ladies come on with me and have that conversation.
I'm going to have to throw that out there and see who would be willing to talk to, um, you know, the sheer squad about how. Negative self-talk or negative talk from people in their lives has impacted them. If you are a listener of the show and you have a story to tell or a point of view, as it applies to negative talk, don't hesitate to hit me up.
If you guys look down in the show notes, I always have my email there. So if you think that there is a topic that we could talk about on the podcast that could inspire. Form women in our school, in our sphere. I am so here for it. So, yes, we're going to be mindful to replace those negative what-ifs with positive what-ifs.
And finally, we're going to ask ourselves those hard questions that make us look at our decisions from the standpoint of, are they moving us forward or are they keeping us. Stuck. So that is episode 22 of the sheer resilience podcast. It has been an absolute pleasure to share with you guys, some of the things that I am doing as I approach decision-making in this season of my life.
I want to hear from you, as I always say, make sure that you are following the sheer resilience podcast on Instagram. If you have not already written a review. You for the show. I need you to do that. I wish I could see me cause I am really giving the pouty please. SIS face. Go ahead on Apple podcasts, where you are probably already listening to this scroll all the way down on the podcasts page and rate and review the show.
It really does impact the ability for other people to hear the show. And it's just a huge favor that you can do for me. I hope that you guys have an amazing week that you are well, and I look forward to talking to you guys again next week until then keep learning. Keep living. And most importantly, y'all keep loving because the world needs.
Bye.